How is it that one person can be both a caregiver and a
hero, or a lover and a sage? Well, it
all boils down to identifying very specific character traits and/or stories that resonate deep
within your soul. It’s about how you
respond in different circumstances, what stirs your emotions, what motivates
and what repels you. Everyone is unique,
yes, but as Swiss Psychologist, Carl Jung’s research has revealed and Dr. Carol
S. Pearson’s work categorized into the Pearson Archetypical System, there is a
set of very specific common archetypes to which everyone can relate, in varying
combination and measure.
This week, we isolated just four of the 12 archetypes:
Innocent, Caregiver, Orphan and Hero.
The result of a brief survey revealed that, although I have strong
innocent characteristics, caregiver and hero dominate. The caregiver archetype is indicated by
nurturing, kind and compassionate character traits while the Hero Archetype is
recognized by a goal-oriented drive to overcome and succeed, and to make a
positive impact in the world.
I can understand these archetypes at work in me when I think
of the movies that I enjoy. My favorite movie genres are rags-to-riches, or
overcoming adversity/hero type flicks like Forrest Gump, Million Dollar Baby,
Shawshank Redemption and Erin Brockovitch, and one of my recent favorites, War Horse. I understand now that I’m drawn to these
particular types of movies because I can identify most with the characters,
plot and outcome. I also understand
better, why it’s sometimes very difficulty to settle on a movie selection that
is appealing to both my husband and I.
If he were to identify his archetypes, I imagine they would be quite
different from mine.
I’m relating best to the caregiver and hero archetypes, more
so now than when I was a teen, probably because I’m a parent. For most, this life-changing event shifts the
focus from oneself to their child/children.
A parent, by default, is a caregiver, but I don’t believe the caregiver
archetype is dominant in all parents. However,
it is for me, and is evident everyday in my words and actions. I’m not at all surprised that the hero
archetype is also dominant for me as a parent, because I think we play that
role in the lives of our children and I don’t think it ever ends. I remember coming to the rescue when my
daughter fell at the ice rink and broke her arm, delivering a homework
assignment or lunch to school after it was left at home and driving out with a
jerry jug of gas when the tank ran dry.
I must be careful to set very clear boundaries, though, lest I become an
enabler. I believe that shift occurs
when a parent continues to be a hero when the caregiver needs to rise up to allow the child to
experience pain or consequence in order to learn a lesson for themselves. I see this clearly evidenced when adult
children continue to be supported by their parents, and assume little or no
responsibility for themselves, ultimately disrespecting the authority of the
parents. I think it’s a fine line
between being supporting and being an enabler, and I hope and pray that I’ll be
a strong supporter and will be able to enforce those clear boundaries so that I
don’t retreat to the enabler role.
Caregiving is not exclusive to the parental role, of course,
and I can clearly recall a time when my caregiving bent rose to the surface
when caring for an ailing family member.
My father-in-law’s health had taken a drastic turn for the worse when he
suffered a minor stroke. This lead to a
gamut of medical tests that revealed he was in the advanced stages of
pancreatic cancer, an incurable beast. I
sure felt helpless, as the hero in me could do nothing to save the day, but my
caregiver could take over to make things a little better during his final
days. I prepared his favorite treats,
marshmallow salad and short bread cookies, and I bought a picture book of his
favorite story of all time “The Cremation of Sam McGee” which we read together
while eating the cookies. I even called
the hospital to see if it would be permissible for me to bring his dog in to
him and to my surprise, I was told that the hospice had special rules and that
I would be able to bring the dog right up to his room. This was a wonderful surprise for him and I
was so happy to have been able to facilitate this visit, which was therapeutic
for us both. My father-in-law passed
away less than a month after his diagnosis.
Since the Caregiver and Hero Archetypes are dependent on
relationships, it explains why I’m naturally drawn to people and to books and music that have
a dominant relational component. I love
to read Jodi Picoult’s books, which delve deep into complex and obscure
relational paradigms. I also love to
read Karen Kingsbury who writes of families, their trials and tribulations and
how deep-rooted faith is both a grounding and guiding force. Of course, I’m drawn to love songs and, oddly
enough, to songs of lost love, which I think must be tugging at the
heartstrings of the caregiver in me. Songs
such as Phillip Phillips’, Home, speaks to the caregiver in me while simple
childhood songs like You are my Sunshine and Mamma’s Going to buy you a
Mockingbird, along with Disney’s princess and hero songs, explain why the hero
archetype has such a strong pull on my life.
I like songs about love and goodness and am repelled by songs containing
profanity and in which the central theme is of violence or immorality.
It’s good to love and to think the best of people, for the
optimist is a happier person than the pessimist. Archetypes to not define or rule ones life,
rather they serve as a tool to bring clarity and understanding of what
motivates us and the reasons why we act as we do and like what we like. Once we’ve identified our own archetypes, we
can be more effective in our decision-making, careers and relationships and in setting healthy and
meaningful boundaries in our lives.
_________________________________________________________________________________
Opinions and conclusions were drawn after reading the
following resources:
- Pearson, C. S., & Marr, H. K. (2007). How and why we live stories. In What story are you living? (pp. 1–18). Gainesville, FL: Center for Applications of Psychological Type. (course reader)
- Mamchur, C. (2011). Maria Kat: A trilogy. Burnaby, BC: Simon Fraser University.
- Part One: Crow Girl
- Part Two: The Chocolate Bar: Life before Crow Girl
- Part Three: The Prairie Bride: Life after Crow Girl
- The Pearson Archetypical System, http://www.herowithin.com
- http://www.carolynmamchur.com
- http://www.marketingforsports.com/content161.html
Photos in order of appearance:
Me with little Maria: http://sv-malachi.blogspot.ca
Skater: http://123kindergarten.com/tag/skating/
Superhero's: http://sv-malachi.blogspot.ca
New Mom: http://www.sheknows.com/parenting/articles/847559/thoughtful-ways-to-help-new-moms-after-baby-arrives
Caregiver: http://www.momlogic.com/2009/09/caregiver_wives_for_better_for_worse.php
Me with children in Tonga: http://sv-malachi.blogspot.ca
